Please be kind to yourself, and bide your time before it's time

I hope you can be kind to yourself today.

Love yourself enough and stop thinking about suicide. Stop saying your life is a living hell because hell is eternally burning, without rest, without pause. It will not give you time to take a bath, to listen to depressing music, to rage about the people you hate, to every now and then open the window and look at people and how (to borrow your expression) f**king happy they are. Real hell will not give you time to think of anything else but to wish you're not burning there. I'm not even going to say "some people are fighting to live yet you're dying to die" because that sounds pathetic and lame. We know all too well that some situations are too dreadful to even think about - getting abducted, tortured, raped for days on end, getting physically, mentally, emotionally abused every single day - and I could go on with a morbid list but trust me I have read so much about lives so horrendous the only wish you may have in mind is to die, just die right then and there.

But you are not in that circumstance, and even so, there could be something else in life that awaits you if you survived it and it's not death.

So love yourself enough and stop allowing people and things and circumstances to invalidate your existence. There are 7 billion people around the world, and not even tens of thousands of them are your audience. If it makes you feel any better, not every single thing that can make you happy are people. Sometimes they are peaks and summits of mountain ranges, the wet sand on your feet when you visit the ocean, dust particles that slow-dance inside a ray of sun from a slightly opened window.

I do not know what you're going through, I know it could be tragic, horrible, dreadful. I won't sweet talk you into deciding not to take your own life because I am not good at sweet-talking and I can't switch shoes with you to understand how hard your life is. But maybe you can stop thinking about suicide for now and start thinking about something else to do with your life.

I am not going to preach about God but I hope you believe that God exists because the Big Bang is a weak theory that tells you "a group of nothing decided to come together and form something" which is like telling you you're stupid if you believe that 0 + 0 = 44 and 0 x 0 = 88, and I  can't accept that we came from apes, because, man! I don't think I can happily drink my own piss without me being mentally unstable or high on drugs. And if you ask me why I believe there is a Creator, everything on and around this earth and above this land we stand upon is pulsating of that undeniable truth. The mountains, the ocean, the sky, volcanoes, lightning and thunder, hurricanes - all these could not have been by-products of an accident. They're too majestic, too mind-blowing to be accidents.

So I mentioned God because I am hoping you could believe that praying is therapeutic. If you believe Someone up there is listening and knows the desires of your heart and the hatred that well inside and the "angels and demons" warring inside your mind, maybe you won't need anyone else to listen. Even if you're not convinced, try it.

So please, be kind to yourself and pray and let the things unsaid be said silently. No one's going to be nice enough to treat you well all the time. But at least, you can do that to yourself. You can be your own worst enemy, but you can also be your very own best friend.

It would be nice if you will stay and do stuff and grow old and watch people survive the way you're trying to, until the time comes when it's your turn to go. Unless you put up with more shit (because believe me there will be more), you will never know how fun it is to look back and say, "I did all that? I'm a f**king hero."


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originally posted here